I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
