He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
