party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Randomize
