I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
