I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
