I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
