Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
