I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
