You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
