My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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