Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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