He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
