yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
