There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
