She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
