i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
