She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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