she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm really busy with my period
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