You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
