I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
