so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize