It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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