I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize