Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
