How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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