Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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