I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
