Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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