I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
