in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
3 2 1 whiskey
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
