had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
