chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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