i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize