I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
