i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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