Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
