hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
