im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
