I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Is it because I queefed?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
