You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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