before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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