I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
