hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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