the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
