Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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