Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want nice things and good sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
