I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think my mom watched the whole time
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
