We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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