i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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