Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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