Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She announced her abortion via fbk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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