Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize