found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize