Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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