Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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