Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
