I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
