she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
