I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
