I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
