I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize