your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
