I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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