Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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