So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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